Sick and tired of never meaning anything to guys, ive never felt this lonely in my life. I have great people there for me but i just feel like im never satisfied, i honestly wish i had a guy i actually wanted..one who wants me too. All inconvient guys like me and its getting old; either you dont date, your moving away, your in jail, your too young, or just plain out want me for sex. Maybe im just too picky? I dont believe that for a second because i usually give everybody a chance but its just never enough and i wont SETTLE. I feel as if i'll never move on, when thats all i wanna do right now. You moved on so why cant i just move on? Maybe i cared too much...i ALWAYS care too much its my weakness. I wish i could just stop caring really life would be alot easier. I miss being in love and having somebody there but being in love is the last thing i need right now...anybody that comes my way and tries to be the least bit serious with me i push them so far away.
All i ever used to know was how to be serious with somebody now i have NO idea whats its like. I feel like ive lost all feeling, i just wish i could find a guy to make me feel again. Ive officially been single since april and most days im okay with it others i wish i had a boyfriend..but i like all the ones i cant have, thats usually how it goes for me. Theres this one boy i really feel like i have a connection with but i know he would never try to persue me. I mean why not? we've already skipped the whole "comfortable with each other part" right? But i get nervous everytime im around him i feel like i could maybe say the wrong things because hes just so damn smart and thats honestly why i like him. I could have the best, most RANDOMEST conversations with him. He gives me this weird feeling that i havent had in a really long time but he'll probley never see me as anything more. Oh well, its how it works..i know theres somebody out there for me i just havent found him yet.
Valentines day is coming up wooo! Not really im more like "BA-HUMBUG" or whatever it is, its usually my favorite holiday but this year i just cant wait for it to be done and over with. It should be a day consisting of myself, some ice cream, and a good love movie..not much of a funfest but it will have to do. Hopefully i'll find a good friend to share it with but who knows. Im just glad its not on a school day, i would definitely stay home. I feel like most of my friends are in love and have a special someone to share it with i went and helped my bestfriend shop today for her boyfriend and it just made me miss alot. I guess thats why im rambling on and on about boys and love and all that stuff.
Another thing that ive been thinking about alll day is a phone a call i got last night, basically ive changed and im not the person you used to know...and you are completely right. My life is so different from what it used to be. B ut you have no idea just how different it is, i dont see how you can judge me from the things i do when you've done them so much worse. I need to get my life together and your right but im young and right now im gonna make my mistakes and learn from them better now then when im older. You just grew up too fast, you always had an older mentality which is good but it can also get annoying when you push it peoples faces all the time. Im seventeen going on eighteen and i do believe im pretty damn mature for my age, whether you see it or not.